How to Feel, How to Love
by Taylor Hearts CH
Summary: Part of having Asperger's Syndrome means it's hard to comprehend some feelings and emotions, especially when it comes to love. When Smackle gives herself to Farkle, she gets confused because the first time is never magical. (A/N: Work is not beta-ed; TW: smut involved, so read at your risk; DISCLAIMER: I do not own GMW or characters associated with such; Please R&R!)


Am I happy? Am I sad?

I can feel the dopamine flooding my bloodstream. The endorphins coursed through my veins. It feels... good? Wonderful? Like I'm at peace with myself?

He peppered my jawline with sloppy kisses. He pushed his love into my temple. My sanctity is destroyed. All I had to do was look into those baby blues of his, and my vision fuzzes, making me dizzy without spinning in circles. Is this rite of passage supposed to feel this amazing? Then how did everyone else feel lousy afterwards? I love him. Always will. This sex thing feels rather addicting, so maybe once is enough.

Once is never enough.

The electricity had gone out in my bedroom. I had a lit candle that provided the only light in my bedroom. Only our lower halves were naked (save for socks), and we didn't look, just felt. It's never just once.

...

It had been 72 hours since Farkle and I had engaged in coitus. We struggled to conversate during passing periods at school. Today is Friday. I hope my beloved will say something because what if those other girls were right?

Farkle passed by my locker between third and fourth block. I had nothing to say because I don't know what to say or do. I smiled as he greeted me with a kiss. He just stood by me. Was he admiring my form? Was he undressing me in his mind? Was he imagining the worst-case scenario?

"Look, I don't know how you felt about the other night, and I'm sorry if you regret anything. I understand if you want to conclude our relationship over repressed feelings."

"Who said I was repressing my emotions? I just saw it as a physical act between ourselves. These emotions that I'm feeling: happy, sad, and angst. Are these normal emotions, beloved?"

He ran my words through his mind before he reassured me that my emotional state is totally normal. My comfortability went from the pits of Hades to the man upstairs himself. Farkle kissed my lips again after the warning bell. The rest of my school day drove by so fast. As long as Farkle and I continue to pursue our relationship, I am blissful. Forever grateful, I am. Someone cared about me to show me love. Because of that, I know how to love.

Later that night, Farkle and I tempted each other during a movie night at Riley's apartment. With respect to the property and its owners, we did the right thing and waited to return home.

...

Once my beloved locked the bedroom door, we caved into our endeavors. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He threaded his fingers through my hair and kissed my lips multiple times to open my mouth. As I allowed him to invade my oral orifice, I relished the sweet taste of his tongue. We tried our best to keep our teeth from clacking, but it wasn't our fault for feeling so passionate about each other. We trudged to his king bed as I fell backward to lay down, breaking our sloppy kiss. I had kicked off my white pumps. Farkle took off his t-shirt, shoes, and socks before he pounced on me. He tickled my sides, and I laughed uproariously until I surrendered to his control. We made out again, kissing and tasting any open skin that we could find on each other. His sweat is so salty, but it's the perfect kind of salty.

Farkle unbuttoned my pink blouse to reveal my sparkly white strapless bra that hooked in the front. He then pulled me up to let me discard the garment. I grabbed onto the waistband of his dark denim skinny jeans, guarded by a black leather belt. I never felt so courageous when I controlled the making out for a while. I traced a line of kisses down his body, paying extra attention to his pulse points. As I sucked on his sweet spot on his neck, he threw his head back, blindly searching for the button of my own skinny jeans. I, too, had to blindly feel around for the belt that held his jeans together. The buckle was easy to undo, and the rest was gone. I dared myself to unbutton his jeans, and I had succeeded within seconds.

I drowned myself in the scent of his sweat, cologne, and natural self as I descended my head downward to his nether regions. I pushed his undone jeans past his cute ass and hooked my claws into his black Calvin Klein underwear. Why I was hesitant to see, I haven't a clue. But, the thrill and the rush of helping him out of his clothes were exciting for me. Farkle assisted me in discarding his clothes somewhere in his room to be picked up later. He soon laid down, stroking his rock-hard cock. If anything, it felt harder than hard plastic as I grazed his member with my fingertips, just to tease him. Watching his cock twitch was only the beginning. All this touching I did made me wet enough to soak my white glittered panties. I looked up at him with a smile on my face, hoping for a reciprocation in romantic feelings. As he carded his fingers through my hair, he guided my head to the head of his seven-inch appendage. I kissed the head of his cock and slowly engulfed it in my mouth. I laughed nervously as I pulled off.

It's just skin! That's all his cock tasted like, skin. But, it was Farkle's skin, and it was perfect. I hovered my mouth over the head and exhaled my hot breath on it. I took Farkle into my mouth again and went down as far as the inside of my mouth was willing to allow. I made it as far as my nose touching the fine hair that adorned his nether region before gagging to the point of vomiting. I didn't realize my glasses were fogging up, so I took them off to avoid hindrance.

As I sucked his dick, I licked the precum from the head. His precum tasted salty and sweet, just the way I like it. I swirled my tongue around the head, hoping to make his cock twitch again. Starting from his perineum, I traced upward along the vein with my pointed tongue and stopped to massage the slit. My mouth enveloped his hardness one more time before my jaw became numb. He sighed my name as my mouth let go of his cock. Just hearing my name, Isadora, fall from his lips made me quiver.

We traded places in bed, so I laid down on my back. He hovered over me on all fours, placing his knees between my legs. It feels like I'm doing it all over again. He kissed my cheek and moaned my name in my ear. I initially thought that his hot breath on my ear would feel gross, but I found it more intriguing and positively body-shuddering. With his strong hands, he unhooked the clasp of my brassiere. He then pushed the cups apart to expose my breasts. I should feel embarrassed that my nipples were jutting out from my breasts barely a shade darker than my natural skin tone. Maybe one day, I will understand why I'm not ashamed to even bare my naked self in front of Farkle.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to hold him closer to my bosom. Farkle kissed my face, and I loved that he is showing me this kind of affection. I exposed him to my sensitive neck, to which he sucked on the spot most sensitive. I will admit; I am a loud moaner. This is one of those situations where I scream if things got out of my control, and I did for good reason. He soothed the love bite with a tongue massage, even if we both know the bruise won't go anywhere for two weeks. I just loved how his tongue tickled my skin.

He trailed kisses down my body, paying special attention to my breasts and my belly button. Then came the ultimate test of nerve. How will I know what I like and don't like? That question echoed in my mind as he pulled my white glittered panties off my legs. I had given Farkle the oral pleasure. It's his turn to return the favor. What if I don't like it? How did being fully exposed to Farkle make me feel a dampness in my core? What if he doesn't like it?

Farkle pushed my legs upward and spread them apart, exposing me in all my glory. My mind was cluttered with thoughts of insecurity and willingness. I thought I was about to break. I stopped him before he tasted me.

"Before you take me with your tongue, I just want to apologize if it's not pretty enough nor the most picture-perfect pussy you've seen." No answer. "Farkle, please, be gentle? I don't know if I should shave or wax, or if I taste good or smell horrible, just please–"

"I love it," he interrupted me.

"But–"

"I think it's beautiful. And, I hope you trust me enough to let you know that."

And, I did. I wanted to cry, but all thoughts of tears went out the window as he brushed my arousal with his nose. Next thing I knew, his tongue had scribbled all over my arousal. This felt... amazing. I gasped, moaned, and gasped again as his tongue swiped my swollen clit. The tip of his tongue delved under the hood, massaging the ridges underneath. He also surrounded my lips with his own. I had lost focus on what parts of me he had tasted. I just knew that his husky voice sent me over the edge with its vibrations. I cannot fathom why I had enjoyed my beloved, binging on my elixir. It is, in other words (or letters), TFH.

Knowing that my last penetration didn't go quite so smoothly, Farkle inserted a finger into my entrance and curled it as if he were asking me to come closer, no pun intended. These movements doubled in intensity when he stuck a second finger inside me. Repeating the same motions, Farkle swirled his tongue around my swollen arousal, hoping to take me to the promised land. He soon moved his hand in a forward elliptical motion while his fingers inside me were still come-hither curled. His unused arm wrapped around my right hip joint, pressing his hand against my lower stomach. Everything was going so fast that I couldn't handle it. I arched my back, bucked my hips, closed my legs, and screamed... it was too much.

It was the perfect orgasm.

I was catching my breath while returning to Earth. I opened my eyes to see a blurry Farkle to my right, retrieving a condom from his bedside table drawer. I hummed to myself and waited patiently for my beloved to return to my body. When he did, he greeted me again with kisses below my ear, along my jawline, and on my supple lips. I readied my body for his to situate between my legs.

He positioned his protected cock in front of my glistening entrance. I didn't have time to think as he pushed himself right into me when he kissed me. The penetration hurt about half as bad as the first time, but I still felt this pleasure. When I did think, I thought naturally. On instinct. I wrapped my arms and legs around Farkle's body while returning the kiss. I closed my eyes and let myself go. Farkle peppered my neck with kisses and sweet nothings. His teeth grazed the outer shell of my ear. I only heard his breathing. I was flying. Loving Farkle has helped me achieve this high. I wish it never had to go away. The intercourse is a bonus to being in his arms. It's this feeling of gratuity inside my soul.

I neared climax when Farkle took my wrists and pinned them to the bed on either side of the pillow behind my head. He thrust himself harder and faster as he and I locked eyes. My dark chocolate brown eyes were welling up as his dilated blues were full of passion and care. He told me to let myself go, so, I did. My walls had squeezed his cock involuntarily. I felt his cock twitch inside me. When he pushed for the last time, we had both peaked. As we plateaued, our mouths were open, gasping for air. He cradled my head with one hand and took me in for a sloppy kiss that dissipated into a sweeter, softer, and tender kiss.

I am forever damned. It's because I have made myself aware of love and how to love. I also know my feelings and how to feel. The aftermath won't kill me unless Farkle and I decide to either pause or stop our relationship.

Our sweaty bodies were locked together in that moment. Why do we smell so intoxicating? It's a weird smell, but it was hot. I use "hot" as a way of saying "intriguing" or "interesting" because truth be told, nothing is temperature or spicy hot when it comes to scents of sex.

He was still inside me. I opened my eyes to see him kiss me again. I had no time to think. Everything was just instinctual. I felt him thrust again. He's not done. The back of my mind told me to panic, but my actions said, 'just go with it.' I could only hold onto Farkle. His body was sticky from the sweat, but I didn't mind it at all because I, too, had been perspiring. As we moaned into each other's mouths, I felt a warmth gathering around my lower stomach. I couldn't handle it anymore. I broke the kiss to catch my breath and prepare for release. My fingers combed the hair at the nape of my beloved's neck. Once again, I opened my eyes to look at the ceiling already adorned with dots. Except, those dots weren't there earlier? It's a sign. I'm already gone. Farkle pushed in and out of me rapidly, meaning he was close. I felt him twitch again. My vision had blurred, so I tightly shut my eyes to allow the crashing waves of pleasure, overtaking us. Nothing is ever too much. Nothing is perfect.

Because it's one of a kind that may never happen again.

Farkle slowly pulled out of my body. He rolled away from me to get out of bed. I watched as he disposed of the used condom – inside full of semen, outside covered with my nectar. He wrapped the latex in a facial tissue and tossed it in the trash. As he returned to my naked body under the blankets, he greeted me with a kiss on the corner of my lips.

He joined me in bed, snuggling me close to him. I told him how much I enjoyed this second time around. I was happy to hear that he returned my sentiments. I won't even fight with myself over this because I know in my heart how I truly feel about Farkle. Before he fell asleep, he told me he couldn't wait to do this again. Did he mean the sex or the cuddles? Because I don't know if my body can handle another round!


End file.
